Yesterday I had mad crazy AF cramps that went all the way through to my lower back. I took Advil to make them go away. I was running to the toilet every ten seconds because I thought it was going to be there and was expecting spotting at a minimum last night. I had serious PMT. I was sure I would wake up to the deluge this morning.
This morning my temp goes a little bit up. I get some cramps but for the most part they are gone. I have no trace of spotting. Ummm.... So I took a IC test and it was negative. Of course this curve ball would happen. I didn't think of option three where I'd have DS's shots this afternoon with neither AF or a BFP.
I'm going to take an FR test this afternoon. Not that I expect it to be positive. But clutching at straws here. I don't really feel PG but I can't explain this. I can't explain that amount of cramping yesterday followed up by nothing. Unless I did ovulate at CD18 afterall and my body is just screwing with me and adding another presentation to my list of ways it can be not pregnant.
I can't really concentrate right now. I hate being in limbo land and having this nagging hope... Ughhh! This cycle feels like it has been going on FOREVER! Ridiculous huh..
Pregnancy Ticker
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
10DPO - Start of the End
So...in case there was any doubt about what I already knew... Here is the BBT evidence that my body has snapped back into its pre-Clomid rubbish. There have been two improvements. One is my cervix position when fertile and my EWCM. I still ovulate later. Judging by my LP length and temps, my progesterone is back to being borderline. I am still getting the same pre-AF cramps and dizziness. Tomorrow I can expect some spotting. Then I will bleed. PMS is rife. I'm sad and angry and everything to extremes. No more BFing fuzzies. :-(
Of course I'm feeling all angry at my body and angry at having to wait at least six months before I can get this sorted. I didn't conceive off this before. I'm not going to now... Any confidence I had about this working is gone. I knew that was the risk of doing the BBT thing. Oh well. At least I know. One month down. Five more to go...
Saturday, April 14, 2012
8DPO - Ambiguity
As the title suggests, I'm 8DPO today. FF is saying 7DPO because it readjusted my chart when I put in some data over the last few days. I can understand the rationale.
I decided to revive the thermometer and only temp if it was after a good sleep. It is still sitting up quite well and higher than it was every before having DS. Looking at previous charts though, 9DPO is where things can start to go hairy so that's tomorrow or Monday. I haven't had any more cramping or anything that I would describe as definite reproductively. I was having a lot of creamy CM until today. Can't quite remember if that has been normal during these lasts few months. I do remember that my CM still dried up the same when I was pg with DS though... I'm a tad constipated but that could be the iron tablets crossed with coming off pre-workout supps for my work week. The supps tend to give me the squits a bit. My nipples are vaguely sensitive and my right boob vaguely tender to a good squeeze by the end of the day. All pretty normal for me leading up to AF. Usually disappears a day or two before it starts. Last time I was PG at 9DPO I had the first bit of serious cramping which I thought was AF getting ready to come. I had it again in the morning on 10DPO and then had my positive on 11DPO with more cramping in the evening and from then on essentially...which turned into braxton hicks.
I'm leaning towards more not pregnant. Would have been nice if it was that easy. Hopefully get a good block of sleep and temp tomorrow. Should see that familiar drop and then I'll know for sure. :-) Funny how I hated it when TTC #1 but now it just puts me out of thinking about it all too hard for the next few days. Can plan for the next cycle.
My old self is a little bit there. While I was doing the Google things I stumbled across the blog of a superfertile. You know... the type that have three million symptoms from 3DPO and just know they are pregnant and of course are right and do it first time round. It just left me feeling annoyed. :-/ I am so determined it seems not to succeed. A guy at work was saying how it took them 10 or 11 months the first time around so they started trying early for the second and it was only three months. All I can hear is my internal dialogue saying "that won't happen to me". I guess it is in part protective so that if I am right then I won't have expected anything different...
Blah. Gotta go to sleep. Bed to myself tonight so should sleep well. Up early for work. No doubt I'll be blogging away on Monday.
I decided to revive the thermometer and only temp if it was after a good sleep. It is still sitting up quite well and higher than it was every before having DS. Looking at previous charts though, 9DPO is where things can start to go hairy so that's tomorrow or Monday. I haven't had any more cramping or anything that I would describe as definite reproductively. I was having a lot of creamy CM until today. Can't quite remember if that has been normal during these lasts few months. I do remember that my CM still dried up the same when I was pg with DS though... I'm a tad constipated but that could be the iron tablets crossed with coming off pre-workout supps for my work week. The supps tend to give me the squits a bit. My nipples are vaguely sensitive and my right boob vaguely tender to a good squeeze by the end of the day. All pretty normal for me leading up to AF. Usually disappears a day or two before it starts. Last time I was PG at 9DPO I had the first bit of serious cramping which I thought was AF getting ready to come. I had it again in the morning on 10DPO and then had my positive on 11DPO with more cramping in the evening and from then on essentially...which turned into braxton hicks.
I'm leaning towards more not pregnant. Would have been nice if it was that easy. Hopefully get a good block of sleep and temp tomorrow. Should see that familiar drop and then I'll know for sure. :-) Funny how I hated it when TTC #1 but now it just puts me out of thinking about it all too hard for the next few days. Can plan for the next cycle.
My old self is a little bit there. While I was doing the Google things I stumbled across the blog of a superfertile. You know... the type that have three million symptoms from 3DPO and just know they are pregnant and of course are right and do it first time round. It just left me feeling annoyed. :-/ I am so determined it seems not to succeed. A guy at work was saying how it took them 10 or 11 months the first time around so they started trying early for the second and it was only three months. All I can hear is my internal dialogue saying "that won't happen to me". I guess it is in part protective so that if I am right then I won't have expected anything different...
Blah. Gotta go to sleep. Bed to myself tonight so should sleep well. Up early for work. No doubt I'll be blogging away on Monday.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
5DPO - Spotting
I've been having cramps. Definite real cramps. AF impending type cramps. Ovarian cyst types cramps. Maybe bowel issue type cramps. And then I went to the loo this afternoon and there was a glob of this EWCM stuff loaded with brown blood. But that was it. No more. -sigh-
I've had cramping for the best part of my LP. I've had spotting from 8 or 9 DPO when I screwing around with Vitex. But, I've never had any kind of spotting at 5DPO.
TTC #1 version of me would have been really excited that it might have been evidence of an implantation bleed. The TTC #2 version of me is not quite that optimistic.
I figure there are a few potential reasons for this:
1. The B6 I've been taking is screwing things up. (I am sure I tried B6 before but didn't try it again for a reason... think it was just cause it made no difference but will have to back track my other blog).
2. My progesterone is going to poo again. In which case I expect the spotting to continue and AF to come early which will probably trigger parameters for going to my OBGYN.
3. My body is still in post weaning disarray. Give that I spotted all the way up to CD14, perhaps I should be expecting this??
4. It is actually implantation??
LOL I love this game. Get the feeling I'm going to add random spotting to my list of things that my body can do that is not indicative of a pregnancy. Ok, off to work tomorrow. See where we stand come Monday I guess.
I've had cramping for the best part of my LP. I've had spotting from 8 or 9 DPO when I screwing around with Vitex. But, I've never had any kind of spotting at 5DPO.
TTC #1 version of me would have been really excited that it might have been evidence of an implantation bleed. The TTC #2 version of me is not quite that optimistic.
I figure there are a few potential reasons for this:
1. The B6 I've been taking is screwing things up. (I am sure I tried B6 before but didn't try it again for a reason... think it was just cause it made no difference but will have to back track my other blog).
2. My progesterone is going to poo again. In which case I expect the spotting to continue and AF to come early which will probably trigger parameters for going to my OBGYN.
3. My body is still in post weaning disarray. Give that I spotted all the way up to CD14, perhaps I should be expecting this??
4. It is actually implantation??
LOL I love this game. Get the feeling I'm going to add random spotting to my list of things that my body can do that is not indicative of a pregnancy. Ok, off to work tomorrow. See where we stand come Monday I guess.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
4DPO
Done with temping. Waking up so much worrying about temping at the right time after enough sleep is just plain draining and inconvenient. Only going to do the week around ovulation...if I end up keeping it up.
Temp was up high this morning. Higher than I've ever seen it. But my sleep was crap and I've had some gut trouble today. Although, the other interesting thing is that I've had some distinct cramping. LOL Symptom watch much?? Too early for implantation in theory. With all my mad looking at FF and Google, it could be something or it could be nothing. It started during my cardio. I couldn't ignore it. I feel bad for stopping. I wasn't going to let TTC get in the way of life but I had a "what if?" moment or three.
Now that the ovulation craziness has passed, I'm feeling quite stable...oddly. It might be temporary. I don't feel that whole "It hasn't worked" stressed. I feel perfectly calm. I'm not sure if its a good thing or not in terms of pregnancy but if I can be like this all the time, it will make this journey much easier. I have a bit of this feeling like I need to savour this trying experience because we probably won't do it again. We probably won't have a third so pregnancy will be something to savour and every bit of that newborn stage...well, so long as they are not an unsettled, unhappy baby.
I'll have work to keep my mind busy until the start of next week and then I'll be on underwear watch until Wednesday. LOL! FF says my test day is Tuesday but that would be based on old cycle information. Wednesday is it unless I just somehow know. (haha)
Temp was up high this morning. Higher than I've ever seen it. But my sleep was crap and I've had some gut trouble today. Although, the other interesting thing is that I've had some distinct cramping. LOL Symptom watch much?? Too early for implantation in theory. With all my mad looking at FF and Google, it could be something or it could be nothing. It started during my cardio. I couldn't ignore it. I feel bad for stopping. I wasn't going to let TTC get in the way of life but I had a "what if?" moment or three.
Now that the ovulation craziness has passed, I'm feeling quite stable...oddly. It might be temporary. I don't feel that whole "It hasn't worked" stressed. I feel perfectly calm. I'm not sure if its a good thing or not in terms of pregnancy but if I can be like this all the time, it will make this journey much easier. I have a bit of this feeling like I need to savour this trying experience because we probably won't do it again. We probably won't have a third so pregnancy will be something to savour and every bit of that newborn stage...well, so long as they are not an unsettled, unhappy baby.
I'll have work to keep my mind busy until the start of next week and then I'll be on underwear watch until Wednesday. LOL! FF says my test day is Tuesday but that would be based on old cycle information. Wednesday is it unless I just somehow know. (haha)
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Maybe Chance?
So we got a session in last night. I couched it as a fun session and I was on top and I had no idea when DH blew so not really thinking it was very helpful. I know teenagers can get pregnant any which way...can't say I believe the same for myself. I think I ovulated yesterday. Sex drive really kicked up a gear and I had the pathalogical urge to make babies. Cervix went to being fully ripe too. So depending on when the egg popped we either managed O-4 and O+1 or just ovulation day. The odds for either at my ovulation day on FF are rubbish. Ovulating at CD17/18 is just rubbish. Did I mention they are all 30+ and long term TTCers? Oh well. I guess I can hope that I've got some of those post baby super fertility going on!
What's the plan? 18/04 DS gets his immunisations. If AF hasn't started to show by then which will be 10/11DPO, I'll do a quick test. It would be a bit of a fairytale finding out on our wedding anniversary and incidentally DS's original due date. Oh and just being able to walk into the GP and go "BTW, can I get a referral for my OBGYN?!'. -sigh- That sort of thing doesn't happen to me. Patience....
On a random side note, I followed a couple blogs. I want to find a few more. It is a bit weird because I'm not quite a first timer and I'm not really in fertility intervention mode so I'm not sure where I fit in with the TTC community....
What's the plan? 18/04 DS gets his immunisations. If AF hasn't started to show by then which will be 10/11DPO, I'll do a quick test. It would be a bit of a fairytale finding out on our wedding anniversary and incidentally DS's original due date. Oh and just being able to walk into the GP and go "BTW, can I get a referral for my OBGYN?!'. -sigh- That sort of thing doesn't happen to me. Patience....
On a random side note, I followed a couple blogs. I want to find a few more. It is a bit weird because I'm not quite a first timer and I'm not really in fertility intervention mode so I'm not sure where I fit in with the TTC community....
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Disappointment
So we got busy yesterday afternoon but I knew from the get go he wasn't up to it. I actually I knew at about the point that he decided to go for a bike ride before a run that he wouldn't be up to it.
I was fine yesterday but feeling disappointed today. OPK went positive and given that DH has decided to go into work until the afternoon, I seriously doubt we will be getting it on tonight. :-( That means we will have only had productive action 3 or 4 days before ovulation depending on when this egg pops. We could still be in with a shot tomorrow but I just don't see it happening.
There are quite a few FF charts listing pregnancy from O-3 but the majority only come up that way because FF uses its own little forumla and if you look at them properly, it's more like O-1 or O-2. So I guess I can pretty well expect AF in about a week and a half.
Strange as it is I was actually feeling remotely positive about the odds of being able to do this ourselves. Holidays are the best time because we can have sex during the day and it doesn't depend quite so much and how DH has gone at work. Oh well...
Overall, I'm in a better headspace. I feel a bit useless and defeated at the moment but it is nowhere near that devastation I used to experience and I'm not going to be haunting DH like a bad smell trying to coax him into bed. LOL! The way I look at it, I've got another month to work on getting stronger for my fitness comp. I've got things to focus on at the moment. TTC is not everything.
DH asked about menevit yesterday. I bought him some today. Can't believe how freaking expensive it is. They asked me if I wanted a big or a small bottle. Had I realised how much it was I would have said the small one!
Anyway, I guess that will be the last from me for a little bit. On the bright side, if I maintain this regularity with fertility then we only have to contend with DH's work as I'll be rostered off each time. Also means I'll AF on days off!
I was fine yesterday but feeling disappointed today. OPK went positive and given that DH has decided to go into work until the afternoon, I seriously doubt we will be getting it on tonight. :-( That means we will have only had productive action 3 or 4 days before ovulation depending on when this egg pops. We could still be in with a shot tomorrow but I just don't see it happening.
There are quite a few FF charts listing pregnancy from O-3 but the majority only come up that way because FF uses its own little forumla and if you look at them properly, it's more like O-1 or O-2. So I guess I can pretty well expect AF in about a week and a half.
Strange as it is I was actually feeling remotely positive about the odds of being able to do this ourselves. Holidays are the best time because we can have sex during the day and it doesn't depend quite so much and how DH has gone at work. Oh well...
Overall, I'm in a better headspace. I feel a bit useless and defeated at the moment but it is nowhere near that devastation I used to experience and I'm not going to be haunting DH like a bad smell trying to coax him into bed. LOL! The way I look at it, I've got another month to work on getting stronger for my fitness comp. I've got things to focus on at the moment. TTC is not everything.
DH asked about menevit yesterday. I bought him some today. Can't believe how freaking expensive it is. They asked me if I wanted a big or a small bottle. Had I realised how much it was I would have said the small one!
Anyway, I guess that will be the last from me for a little bit. On the bright side, if I maintain this regularity with fertility then we only have to contend with DH's work as I'll be rostered off each time. Also means I'll AF on days off!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
CD16..The Difference of 24 hours
So my body is well and truly screwing with my mind. OPK today was strong but not positive. Overnight we've gone from unfertile to really very fertile and I dare say I'll get a positive tomorrow or Saturday at the latest.
I'm stunned.
If I get it tomorrow then this will be the most regular that I have been since I was a teenager. You know, before nine years of hormonal contraceptives!
I struggled yesterday. I think it was the idea that something was not working. I have all the patience in the world if my body works. If there is no reason for things not to work then I am happy to hit it until it does. When I think there is something wrong I become driven to fix it NOW. It's irrational and crazy.
Do I think we can win like this? IDK. The 11 day LP is the thing which bugs me. I feel like maybe we can but I am not super confident. Last time I got my faint positive on 11DPO but I had a 13 day LP on Clomid without any spotting. I guess we will see.
Part of me is not so secretly hoping that we can pull a one hit wonder. It would all time out perfectly. The due date for AF falls on a doctor's appointment for DS to get his 12 months immunisations. I could get my referral to my OBGYN at the same time. I would love to believe I could be so lucky. Getting a bit ahead of myself. Need to get some BD done today and/or tomorrow first!
Got a bit drunk last night. I'm soft now. Literally a glass of wine did it and then I had another. Broke one of my rules and told two close folks that we are trying. It's ok though. Neither of them are going to be trying within the next 12 months. I know I'm sucked into this already so I am working on how to keep my head straight while we try. Not feeling like we are screwing around wasting time will help.
I've been thinking about the timeline. I decided a while back that I wouldn't go back for Clomid until after my fitness comp unless my LP dropped below 10 days. I am thinking I might also add in provision for if I ovulate later than CD23 although I think rubbish LP goes with that anyway. What I am also thinking is that I may wait it out for one year. Maybe. Looking at the FF charts, 12 months does look like a reasonable expectation rather than six. But I guess it depends on where my head is at come November this year. If I'm still pretty relaxed then I'll wait. If I've already gotten to "I want it NOW" stage then I'll go back before.
The other thing that I have changed my mind about is the sharing of information. There are two lovely ladies in my triad. If they ask, I will tell. If they don't, then they will find out if/when we fall pregnant again. I'm using my old FF account as I still have VIP membership days. I haven't completely covered my tracks. Only one of them is potentially likely to discover it. She may not say anything. Everyone else will know nothing...
I'm stunned.
If I get it tomorrow then this will be the most regular that I have been since I was a teenager. You know, before nine years of hormonal contraceptives!
I struggled yesterday. I think it was the idea that something was not working. I have all the patience in the world if my body works. If there is no reason for things not to work then I am happy to hit it until it does. When I think there is something wrong I become driven to fix it NOW. It's irrational and crazy.
Do I think we can win like this? IDK. The 11 day LP is the thing which bugs me. I feel like maybe we can but I am not super confident. Last time I got my faint positive on 11DPO but I had a 13 day LP on Clomid without any spotting. I guess we will see.
Part of me is not so secretly hoping that we can pull a one hit wonder. It would all time out perfectly. The due date for AF falls on a doctor's appointment for DS to get his 12 months immunisations. I could get my referral to my OBGYN at the same time. I would love to believe I could be so lucky. Getting a bit ahead of myself. Need to get some BD done today and/or tomorrow first!
Got a bit drunk last night. I'm soft now. Literally a glass of wine did it and then I had another. Broke one of my rules and told two close folks that we are trying. It's ok though. Neither of them are going to be trying within the next 12 months. I know I'm sucked into this already so I am working on how to keep my head straight while we try. Not feeling like we are screwing around wasting time will help.
I've been thinking about the timeline. I decided a while back that I wouldn't go back for Clomid until after my fitness comp unless my LP dropped below 10 days. I am thinking I might also add in provision for if I ovulate later than CD23 although I think rubbish LP goes with that anyway. What I am also thinking is that I may wait it out for one year. Maybe. Looking at the FF charts, 12 months does look like a reasonable expectation rather than six. But I guess it depends on where my head is at come November this year. If I'm still pretty relaxed then I'll wait. If I've already gotten to "I want it NOW" stage then I'll go back before.
The other thing that I have changed my mind about is the sharing of information. There are two lovely ladies in my triad. If they ask, I will tell. If they don't, then they will find out if/when we fall pregnant again. I'm using my old FF account as I still have VIP membership days. I haven't completely covered my tracks. Only one of them is potentially likely to discover it. She may not say anything. Everyone else will know nothing...
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Body Loathing
I hate my body so much right now. CD15 and it seems we have stalled. LH strip no closer to being positive. Cervix stuck in the same not very fertile crappy position. I'm not going to ovulate on CD17. I hate my body. I hate that I can't just work like an ordinary person. :-(
I was looking on FF at charts where ovulation happens on CD17. Most of them are 30 years plus old. Those that are my age and do get pregnant take months and months and get slung with unexplained infertility. I remembered yesterday that my mother got early menopause. Picture seems a little clearer now. I might as well face the fact that this is going to be a long journey yet again.
I've been spotting through to mid cycle. Yesterday is was quite red again. I emailed my OBGYN and he seems to be of the opinion that it is just my hormones readjusting. Awesome. I still have milk. So now I am going to have to put up with a messy downstairs for months while we TTC futily.
DH is really into it right now. I'm shocked. He wasn't like this until well into the process last time. I hope the enthusiasm sticks. :-)
Remembered why I quit temping too. I wake up all night long. For some reason I can't switch my brain off enough to get good uninterrupted sleep. I don't think I'll temp after ovulation or for any more cycles. I value my sleep too much.
I was looking on FF at charts where ovulation happens on CD17. Most of them are 30 years plus old. Those that are my age and do get pregnant take months and months and get slung with unexplained infertility. I remembered yesterday that my mother got early menopause. Picture seems a little clearer now. I might as well face the fact that this is going to be a long journey yet again.
I've been spotting through to mid cycle. Yesterday is was quite red again. I emailed my OBGYN and he seems to be of the opinion that it is just my hormones readjusting. Awesome. I still have milk. So now I am going to have to put up with a messy downstairs for months while we TTC futily.
DH is really into it right now. I'm shocked. He wasn't like this until well into the process last time. I hope the enthusiasm sticks. :-)
Remembered why I quit temping too. I wake up all night long. For some reason I can't switch my brain off enough to get good uninterrupted sleep. I don't think I'll temp after ovulation or for any more cycles. I value my sleep too much.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Game On!
I'm ready to go. DH has officially declared he is ready. That's about all the incentive I need. This is isn't just a state of having planned it now and moving in that direction. He's good to go. This is big!
I've been faithful to my Elevit and I bought some B6 today. I'll wait til next cycle to start using it and hopefully it will have a positive impact on my LP. I changed my mind at the last minute and kicked over Fertility Friend again. I'm getting fertile mucous much earlier than I used to and it is actually nice running EWCM as opposed to just watery CM. Maybe this will be possible?
CD14 is tomorrow. I'm thinking maybe CD16 or 17 at the moment. I've given DH notice of the need to start acting.
Oh and I might temp this one out to see if I'm crashing mid LP again. If I have to go back to my OBGYN for fertility then I want to actually know what is going on. Probably won't do it each cycle but if I reasses in three months and then six, I'll see if there is any change.
I'm geared up for a pregnancy but I'm not in any great rush. I feel good about this. I know there could be a good year or so of this. We both do. We are fine with it. Each day DS gets a bit older and more mature. The older he is the better. We will achieve this in a reasonable timeframe. :-)
I've been faithful to my Elevit and I bought some B6 today. I'll wait til next cycle to start using it and hopefully it will have a positive impact on my LP. I changed my mind at the last minute and kicked over Fertility Friend again. I'm getting fertile mucous much earlier than I used to and it is actually nice running EWCM as opposed to just watery CM. Maybe this will be possible?
CD14 is tomorrow. I'm thinking maybe CD16 or 17 at the moment. I've given DH notice of the need to start acting.
Oh and I might temp this one out to see if I'm crashing mid LP again. If I have to go back to my OBGYN for fertility then I want to actually know what is going on. Probably won't do it each cycle but if I reasses in three months and then six, I'll see if there is any change.
I'm geared up for a pregnancy but I'm not in any great rush. I feel good about this. I know there could be a good year or so of this. We both do. We are fine with it. Each day DS gets a bit older and more mature. The older he is the better. We will achieve this in a reasonable timeframe. :-)
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